Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst, on love: "paradoxically, the capacity to be alone is the indispensable condition for the capacity to love"

To build a healthy bond, based on respect and freedom, it is best to be well with yourself before starting a relationship. You have surely heard on more than one occasion that relationship experts make this recommendation to avoid emotional dependence or the need for someone to fill your voids. This is also supported by the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm, who has various quotes dedicated to love that are part of his classic work 'The Art of Loving', published in 1956, and which are still relevant. One of them is "paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the indispensable condition for the ability to love." Here I explain in detail what the author meant. Autonomy versus dependence For Erich Fromm, this phrase means that only one who can look after himself and be alone without fear is capable of loving maturely. Loving is not seeking a "lifeline" to flee solitude, but a free act of two complete people. And true love is born when you feel good about yourself and decide to share your happiness, instead of depending on another to breathe. This is where autonomy versus dependence appears, as mature love says "I need you because I love you," while immature or symbiotic love says "I love you because I need you" (using the other as a refuge from one's own anxiety). The author also reflects that love requires discipline, concentration, and patience. Knowing how to be alone is the first step to concentrating on oneself and, from that fullness, giving oneself to the other. Healthy love has no emotional dependence Enjoying your own company allows you to establish bonds free from chains and fear of loss. In this way, you do not seek a refuge or a patch for your fears, nor do you turn the other person into a life raft so you don't sink. If you are interested in health and well-being, we invite you to join our WhatsApp and Telegram channels.