How to Grieve When Loved Ones Leave for the Mission Field

I talk about my soon-to-be missionary parents often, and there’s pride on my face each time. I love to tell how the Lord has gifted them with a heart for the nations and how they’ve prayed for the opportunity to go for years. What I don’t talk about as much is my grief. It goes unnoticed. Even I don’t notice it sometimes, but then I’ll hear a random song and it sends me running to a quiet place to sob. Why do I cry alone? Because my emotions feel selfish. After all, my parents are following God’s call. They’re going to do one of the most admirable things a Christian can, and here I am crying about it. I usually think my feelings are defective and should be suppressed, but I’m learning that God gave me these emotions and that the Bible shows me a way to grieve well. Scripture shows us how to navigate the sadness that comes when family members are sent to the field: how to acknowledge our grief, admit it, and still affirm God’s call on those who go. Acknowledge Your Grief During my senior year, I wasted a lot of time bingeing on social media. I was indoctrinated into the philosophy of Stoicism, which drained me with its constant urgings to indulge my pride. I was taught that the manliest thing to do is be stone-faced before sadness and tragedy. Once I opened my Bible, I saw how wrong this philosophy is. Luke says that as Jesus approached the cross, he was so distressed that “his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground” (Luke 22:44). Jesus was without sin, but he felt anxiety and dread as he approached the cross. Strong negative emotions, when controlled, aren’t necessarily sinful. We don’t need to reject them; we need to acknowledge them. Once I finally acknowledged my emotions, I was able to move to the next step: voicing them. Admit Your Sadness Admitting your sadness to those leaving is the hardest part of grieving biblically. After all, we know missionaries already struggle to say goodbye. Can senders in good conscience be so cruel as to show emotions that might wound the resolve of those being sent? Strong negative emotions, when controlled, aren’t necessarily sinful. We don’t need to reject them; we need to acknowledge them. In Acts 20:37, the Ephesian elders weep with Paul as he leaves them. Paul doesn’t rebuke them for this. The tears demonstrate why honesty about our grief is so important. God designed us to share our mutual affections in community. Yes, it’s hard for missionaries to go; they’re leaving communities they love. But one of the best ways to love the grieving is to show them you’re grieving too. When senders admit their grief, missionaries will leave with full hearts, knowing they’re loved by the community behind them even as that community affirms they should go. Affirm God’s Call Paul says, “As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy” (2 Tim. 1:4). When Paul says he longs to see Timothy just as Timothy longed to see him, Paul validates and encourages Timothy’s godly affections. Timothy’s disposition (sad but still letting Paul go) shows us a final instruction for someone who sends and grieves well: publicly affirming that God clearly wants the missionary to go. It’s vital to acknowledge and admit the grief you feel, but senders must still say, “Go.” This isn’t easy. When you’ve given yourself room to feel sadness, how can you possibly let go? The only answer is to go to God and beg him to open your hands. Ultimately, these wonderful people in your life aren’t yours to keep. They’re God’s gift to you, and they’re his to send on mission. So let them go. These wonderful people in your life aren’t yours to keep. They’re God’s gift to you, and they’re his to send on mission. There’s no such thing as a quick fix for grief, especially if you’re grieving a brother, sister, mother, father, or friend who is being sent. My grief will continue to haunt me as I “hold the rope” for my family, but I also know that these God-given emotions can be an opportunity for God to shine his glory all the brighter. From Acts to the Epistles, the theme of God glorifying himself through the grief that comes with sending leaps off the page. Through acknowledging and admitting my sadness while still affirming my parents’ call, I’m confident that I’ll grow in gratitude for this new season of life when we’re apart for the sake of Christ’s mission. Despite my aching heart, I can still smile, knowing that “the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed” (Rom. 8:18). Free eBook by Tim Keller: ‘The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness’ Imagine a life where you don’t feel inadequate, easily offended, desperate to prove yourself, or endlessly preoccupied with how you look to others. Imagine relishing, not resenting, the success of others. Living this way isn’t far-fetched. It’s actually guaranteed to believers, as they learn to receive God’s approval, rather than striving to earn it. In Tim Keller’s short ebook, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness: The Path To True Christian Joy, he explains how to overcome the toxic tendencies of our age一not by diluting biblical truth or denying our differences一but by rooting our identity in Christ. TGC is offering this Keller resource for free, so you can discover the “blessed rest” that only self-forgetfulness brings.